Top o' the mornin' to ya! St. Patrick's Day comes but once a year, and it's time to bust out your best Irish toasts. But, pause for a moment, party people. Make sure you're augmenting your fun times, not detracting from them with crappy speeches of dubious worth. Just because it's St. Patrick's Day, and Saturday night, and you're drunk, it doesn't mean that you've got any oratorial talent. Remember these overdone toasts before volunteering to speak, and you'll spare yourself (and everyone else) the grief of the Irish.

1. Anything In A Bad Irish Accent

   All toasts sound great coming from Irish people, especially if they're followed by a shot of Jameson. But if you're not Irish, don't pretend to be — especially on St. Patrick's Day. You're getting too old for the days of fake accents to be cute or in any way funny, unless you're a professional comedian. And if you're reading this list looking for toast ideas, it's damn near guaranteed that you're not.

2. An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.

   Um, what?! This common Irish saying is often used as a toast, but what the heck does it mean? An Irishman, or anyone for that matter, is considered drunk if their blood alcohol content is over the legal limit. Also, if said Irishman was about to literally fall off the earth, it's highly unlikely that a blade of grass would help him, sober or not. Try slurring the words to your favorite U2 song rather than invoking the notion that gravity can't help even the bawdiest of drunks.

3. A Teary Dramatic Reading from Snakes On A Plane

   One of the worst things you can be on St. Patrick's Day is a sad drunk. Worse still? If you stand up at the front of the bar, command everyone's attention, and do your best high school UIL oral interpretation version of the cinematic classic Snakes On A Plane. Think of it this way: if St. Patrick banished all the snakes from Ireland, no one will think twice about banishing you from the pub.

4. Kiss my Derry air!

   Derry (or Londonderry, as it's also known) is the second largest city in Northern Ireland. Don't be "that guy" — location puns can be funny, but this one is seriously played out. Play it safe and avoid going down this road on St. Patrick's Day. What's next? Dub(lin)step? Stick a County Cork in it? As you can see, the cheesy jokes go (whiskey) sour, and how.

5. A Slurred and Hiccupping Masterpiece From The Guy Drinking O'Douls

   It's not that you have to get drunk to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, it's that you don't want to be the world's biggest poseur. Unless you're in high school and you have to be one of the cool kids to impress your St. Patrick's Day sweetheart, don't fake being drunk. Even then don't do it. It's just not cool. Better advice? Don't buy O'Douls. If you don't drink and you want to party for Patty, try your hand at something constructive — instead of trying to impress the imbibers with your wit and wisdom. Hate to break it to you, kid, but if you're drinking O'Douls, you're probably a quart low on both.

6. There Once Was A Man From Nantucket…

   Especially if you're spending your St. Patrick's Day with co-workers or with your in-laws, maybe try not to repeat this crass limerick. Invoking gross imagery, especially if you're three sheets, may be funny — but this little poem from the 1927 masterpiece Immortalia: An Anthology of American Ballads, Sailors' Songs, Cowboy Songs, College Songs, Parodies, Limericks, and Other Humorous Verses and Doggerel is beyond the pale. And, by the way, just where the heck is Nantucket?

7. A Long-Winded Rendering of The Tiny Piece of Your Family History That May Or May Not Be From Ireland

   One of the most annoying qualities that a second, third, fourth, or fifth generation American can do is talk about their genealogy. No one cares if your great great grandmother had O-apostrophe in front of her name, or if you dyed your hair red to honor your (probably fictitious) ancestry. Family tree nerds and drunkards alike should be proud of whatever they think their heritage is, but clamoring for attention and waxing genealogical because you think your grandfather once had an Irish girlfriend or whatever will never go over well. See also: Bad Irish Accents.

8. Any Quote from Boondock Saints

   If you're still quoting Boondock Saints, Road to Perdition, or The Departed, be mindful that you're no longer thought of as cool, edgy, or in any way relevant. While Irishmen and bloodbaths deserve the silver screen, it's almost uncouth to regurgitate the tired pop culture references that got us through the beginning of the 21st century. Sidebar: no one likes your "veritas" tattoo, either. Give someone more reasonable a chance to "Cheers!"

9. Erin Go Braless!

   Stupid. Just stupid. Even if you have a friend named Erin, and even if you think she should go braless, this toast just isn't funny. No one cares that you know the Irish phrase that everyone else knows, and no one else cares that you know the most obvious joke to go along. Spend your St. Patrick's Day turning some other Gaelic phrases, or maybe just give up and drink to avoiding groan-worthy, borderline sexist moments.

10. Champagne for My Real Friends and Real Pain for My Sham Friends!

    Ugh. Everyone's heard it, everyone's said it — and it's probably even been your "About Me" on Facebook. If you're immature enough to make distinctions like these (or listen to Fall Out Boy), do everyone a favor and can it — especially if you're trying to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in socially acceptable style.

Teenage girls have more sway over our culture than we think. Their influence over vocal trends worldwide is remarkably strong. While many of the speech mechanisms used by young girls may seem childish and annoying, they have an ability to spread throughout multiple demographics, affecting the way all kinds of people and age groups interact. Some of the linguistic patterns used by teenage girls, such as uptalking, have even found their place among middle-aged businessmen. We may cringe at the way the supposedly troubled youth speak to one another, but these vocal trends will continue to evolve, infecting conversations between otherwise civilized people everywhere.

1. Uptalking

   Uptalking is a vocal trend in which you end every sentence with a questioning intonation. The habit once indicated that a girl was from Los Angeles, but uptalking has spread worldwide to include all kinds of demographics. It is occasionally also referred to as a "high rising terminal." Uptalking can convey a variety of meanings. In some cases, it may make the speaker seem unsure or meek to use uptalking in standard conversation. Yet, in other instances, uptalking can sound patronizing. For example, sorority leaders may pressure their new pledges with, "You all need to be at the philanthropy this Saturday? I don't want to see anyone missing?"
    
   

2. Cutting Words Short

   Using "totes" instead of "totally" is a popular example of cutting words short. Other examples include, "ridic" instead of ridiculous, "rando" instead of random, and "gnar" instead of gnarly. This habit, started by teenage girls, shows a general laziness for complying with correct speech patterns. However, trimming down words and using them as catch phrases has been around for a long time. In the '80s, it was "rad" instead of radical. Over time, other words in our vocabulary have been slimmed down in accordance with the teenage girl speech lexicon. Perhaps in the future, we'll say "prac" instead of practically and "mon" instead of "monumental."
    
   

3. Filler Words/Phrases

   Teenage girls were the first to start abusing filler words in a sentence. These words and phrases add no substance to the sentence, but buy time before getting to the point or can also be used to emphasize part of the sentence. Examples include "like," "seriously/literally", "I know, right?," and beginning a sentence with "I feel like." Generally, these words don't alter the meaning of the sentence aside from the emphatic sense. Some girls use them when they feel pressured or nervous, as a means of delaying report. Eventually, the overuse of "like" snuck its way into the verbal mannerisms of teens and adults alike, regardless of age and gender.
    
   

4. Vocal Fry

   The vocal fry is the prolonged growl applied to the end of sentences to indicate a general malaise. This quintessential teenage girl habit may have been born from the likes of Kesha and Britney Spears, spreading its way into spoken word as well. The tone gives off a distinct impression of boredom while at the same time implying superiority, dropping the vocal tone of a word to a much lower, drawn out pitch until it sounds croaky. Vocal frying actually owes its origins to British men in the 1960s, who added this flare to sound more prestigious than their peers.
    
   

5. "Shut Up!"

   Saying "shut up" as a substitute for "no way," or "sick" — meaning "cool" — is a trend started by teenagers that continually perplexes adults. While parents struggle to determine which instances bad really means good, teens roll their eyes and hole up in their rooms to talk on their cell phones. The need to use words with completely opposing definitions may be mimicking nonconformist culture that the youth finds so attractive. Either way, describing something as "sick" has permeated into most people's vocabulary for the worse, making one look immature at best.
    
   

6. LOL OMG

   While nobody does it quite as extreme as the above example, saying words that are meant to be short-form for texting is a teen girl trend. The most commonly used phrases are "OMG" (oh my god), "LOL" (laugh out loud), or even "BRB" (be right back). Saying them as the capital letter short-form verbally takes just as long as uttering the actual phrase, which is why it is a ridiculous addition to our vernacular. The abbreviations were first used in online chat rooms, likely during AOL's heyday. Typing them serves a legitimate purpose, to convey entire phrases or sentences that are nearly universally understood with a few, swift key punches. But there's no need to shortcut our communication with each other in real life, where we have time to talk in long-form.
    
   

7. Extreme Sass

   Sure, adults are just as capable of being sassy, rude, and sarcastic, but teenage girls have it perfected to an art. Ready with a caustic remark at nearly any verbal cue, and often accompanied by eye-rolling and hand motions, teenage girls have the ability to be incredibly cruel at the drop of a dime. The sassy tone is spoken in a lower, more threatening register, made to intimidate the one being spoken to. They may even point a perfectly manicured finger at you as they deliver their words in this biting tone.
    
   

Career planning is a dynamic process for most people. Life experiences and decisions tend to direct your career, often in a direction far removed from your original intention. An easy to visualize scenario of spur of the moment career planning is evident by the young men and women who enlisted in the US military immediately following high school. Many go straight into career combat, however, many more find very high tech jobs that support the front line combat troops.

While the military can be a career all by itself, it is also a fertile training ground for acquiring the education and experience needed for advanced skills. Many civilian jet mechanics, paramedics, long haul big rig truckers, computer technicians and radio specialists received their initial career training during their military service.

Academic institutions such as colleges, universities and vocational schools often channel their students through career training tracks designed to result in a specialized professional positions. Physicians, lawyers, mathematicians and scientists usually have intensive academic education credentials.

Many careers are created or modified by the passing of time. Fifty years ago, there wasn’t a career path for a computer programmer. Programmers had training and education in other skills that were peripheral to writing code. Philosophy, anthropology, accounting, electronics, mathematics and logic were all useful skills for a programmer of the time prior to college or vocational information technology courses.

Some careers are developed via non-traditional training. For example, a graphics artist may have untrained raw artistic talent and use the tools available for a computer to generate their artworks. Special effects such as luminescence, translucence and iridescence that are difficult to render with traditional materials can be much simpler to control with software.

Other careers are a product of home life. A child make take over a family-owned family business, farm, or managing a portion of the family assets along with other siblings. Politics and public service are examples of career paths that influence a person’s choices. The Kennedy family is a prime example of multi-generational political career choices.

The internet phenomenon has created thousands of careers, both directly and indirectly. Developing previously non-existent technologies, such as social networks, has made their creators wealthy. The same is true of modifying existing career models, such as auctions. Traditional brick-and-mortar retail venues such as book sellers or providing needed goods and services, have spawned a number of related managerial and support careers.

Colleges, universities and vocational schools routinely offer extension courses online. The University of Maryland, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, DeVry College and hundreds of other schools offer online content and training, as well as providing satellite campuses all over the world. The (US) National Center for Education Statistics is an easy way to locate schools throughout the US and its territories.

An invaluable resource the book “What Color is Your Parachute” is the seminal work about career planning, job finding and career guidance. 2012 marks its fortieth edition, incorporating the latest trends and career opportunities. It is perhaps the best investment you can make to identify your future career.

Every career choice involves a degree of risk. Often, the riskiest choices lead to the most rewarding opportunities. Careers that are themselves high-risk jobs offer high levels of pay to balance the risk involved. Military service, law enforcement, firefighters and other first-responders are examples of career paths that are associated with a substantial degree of risk. They also are rewarding opportunities, both monetarily and in the degree of personal satisfaction.

Serendipity – or just plain luck – can result in a very satisfying career. By its nature, such opportunities are not foreseeable. You need to be open to the possibility and be in a position to take advantage of the opportunity when it knocks on your door. You need to recognize a potential career when you see it and be prepared to act instantly. The best place to be to look for a new career is while you are otherwise employed. Changing careers is much easier than locating exactly the career you want when you want it.

Be prepared to relocate. Have reliable transportation. Have the requisite skills or education to at least conform to the minimum standards the job entails. Be reasonable in your expectations. You are not likely to land a job as CEO unless you have already been a CEO, CFO, COO or similar managerial position.

Do your research. Finding a job is like searching for anything. You need to define your goals, manage your expectations, and filter out what is obviously unsuitable for you. Sometimes, finding what you want to do is as simple as determining what you are unwilling to do. As Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote, “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” The same is valid for career choices.

Finally, strive to further your education and broaden your experience. Learn to communicate effectively, both verbally and in writing. Creative or technical writing and public speaking are absolutely necessary for most careers. Many community colleges offer adult education classes that can enhance your resume as well as stand you in good stead in your current career or your anticipated future career. Correct any weaknesses in your early education by studying mathematics, learning a foreign language, or amplifying your skill sets. Studying is a dynamic undertaking, it doesn’t end when you receive a diploma or degree. Read as much as you can – both online and offline. You may be surprised that your next career is just a turn of the page away.

Cool kids read the newspaper, even if they read it online. But the coolest cats read alternative weeklies — independent news sources with attitude and flair. Known for their bevy of editorial tricks (their wheelhouses are quick reviews of what you missed last week and what you shouldn't miss this one, syndicated counterculture columns and comics, event lists, foodie reviews, film showcases, creative horoscopes, and wonky sexy personal ads in the back pages), only the best of the alt-weeklies survive, thrive, and consistently challenge journalism's norms. The shining light of the alternative weekly is the long-form non-fiction piece, whether illustrative or investigative. If your newsfeed needs a pick-me-up, or you just want to know what's going to be cool and important in the mainstream later — these nine alt-weekly papers are for you.

1. The Village Voice

   The grandaddy of all alternative weeklies, New York City's Village Voice is the first and most popular American alternative weekly. Since 1960, the paper has been on the cutting edge of the industry, winning awards and influencing culture. One of the first magazines to embrace gay culture, corporate fraud, and other alternative newspapers, the Voice has been a voice of counter- and subculture for more than 50 years. The tenure of the Voice has influenced the ways of mainstream newspapers like The Times, and has paved the way for the world of democratized journalism.

2. The Houston Press

   Although The Houston Press is one of the more tame alt-weeklies politics-wise, the food criticism section of this big city paper is leading its class nationwide. While the food and beverage community of Houston remains a tight one, both scathing and generous reviews from the Press can make or break a restaurant's success.

3. LA Weekly

   LA Weekly is the much-hyped alt-weekly of the City of Angels, and what better place to have the best film criticism in the alternative world. In recent years, the Weekly has had some staffing shake-ups, prompting some to be skeptical of its future, but with its toe-hold hyping and dissecting movies, as well as it's loyal readership, it won't be long until the Weekly is back on top.

4. Willamette Week

   The alternative weekly in Portland has long been known for its quality comics and investigative muscle, as well as its fresh take on all things Portlandia (or, more accurately, Portlandish). Among many political scandals broken in the paper, in 2005, Journalist Nigel Jaquiss broke a story about then-mayor and former Oregon governor Neil Goldschmidt's sexual misconduct with a 14 year old, winning a Pulitzer Prize for Investigative Reporting — and being the only weekly that has a Pulitzer winner for Investigative Report on its staff.

5. The Seattle Stranger

   This alt-weekly, known as "Seattle's Only Newspaper" was founded by a co-creator of The Onion and gave rise to media darling Dan Savage. Savage's first sex advice column appeared in 1991, in the first issue of The Stranger. After his popularity grew into nationwide syndication, a podcast, and several activist projects, your sex lives — and Google searches for certain senator's names — would never be the same again.

6. The Austin Chronicle

   Long known for being one of the coolest papers in the country, The Austin Chronicle is the hipster's guide to what's going to be popular in three years. Having knockout music reviews and artist showcases, and heavily covering South by Southwest, Austin City Limits, Fantastic Fest, and other multi-media festivals to descend on the city, the Chronicle keeps Austinites, Texans, and everyone who indulges abreast of what all its non-readers will know far in the future. A long-time go-to for those looking for the next big thing, the Chronicle is a bastion of goodness and talent exposition for music, film, literature, and other arts.

7. The Washington City Paper

   Leave it to the nation's most power-obsessed city to found its alt-weekly in the 1980s. Just missing Watergate by a decade, The Washington City Paper routinely breaks inside-the-beltway scandals and publishes long-form opinion pieces on all things government. Meshing great investigation with D.C. city life — music reviews, events calendars, and foodie news galore — The Washington City Paper's "Best Of" every year rivals mainstream magazine's Do and Don't lists.

8. Chicago Reader

   The best in its area, the Chicago Reader is the Windy City's alternative weekly. The paper is known for its commitment to quality long-form nonfiction pieces, much like The Washington City Paper. The centrally located city has a history of scandalous municipal politics, and the Reader consistently delivers informative, captivating pieces on municipal leaders, as well as general interest non-fiction, and illuminating pieces on fine arts.

9. SF Weekly

   The SF Weekly, San Francisco's version of alternative press, was able to release journalist Lisa Davis for more than a year to work on exposing a scandal in the Mormon Church. Her work won a Polk Award for Investigative Journalism, among several others, and prompted the book The Sins of Brother Curtis, catapulting the Bay Area's alternative weekly to mainstream journalism's standards, as well as adding a huge chunk of intellectual and well-formed work to the many nuanced issues raised by covering sex abuse in churches.

With the recent boom in the craft beer industry, exceptional beers are becoming far more accessible to the average beer-drinker. It is becoming easier to enjoy local brews over the mass-marketed corporate brands. With an influx of sensational craft beers, regulations on certain beer laws being adapted, and the emergence of brewpubs across the nation, a beer lover's once cursory understanding of the craft can easily expand to a much more informed vocabulary on the ins and outs of beer.

With newfound clarity on the topic, brews can be enjoyed with the same distinguished palette as a glass of wine — one can appreciate the subtle flavors, a basic idea of how it was made, the body, mouth feel, and how the beer can be dramatically improved by merely serving it in the correct shaped glass.

1. IBU

   A beer's IBU, or International Bittering Units, indicates how bitter it is in numerical value. The higher the IBU, the bitterer the beer, attributed to the amount of hops added during the brewing process. An IPA will have a higher IBU than a light lager. The perceived bitterness is not always indicative of the IBU, however, as some beers with very large amounts of malt require more hops to balance it out, but will taste more sweet because of the malt factor. Brewing a beer with a ridiculously high IBU over 100 is possible, but unnecessary, as the human palette can only detect up to between 80 and 100 IBUs.

2. Trappist Ale

   A true trappist ale is not a style of beer, but an indicator that the beer was brewed in a monastery within the spectrum of The International Trappist Association. There are currently only seven trappist monasteries, with all but one located in Belgium (La Trappe is brewed in the Netherlands). They are generally bottle-conditioned Belgian ales referred to as enkel, dubbel, or tripel (single, double, and triple, respectively). This indicates the beer's strength, with enkel being the lowest alcohol and tripel as the highest. When enkels were no longer brewed, quadruples were added to the mix, as the necessity for three defined styles mirrors the presence of the Holy Trinity in the creation of beer. The monks distinguished these beers by marking them with an "X" for single, all the way to "XXX" for tripel, which explains the origin of cartoon characters drinking booze out of a jug marked with Xs.

3. Brettanomyces

   Brettanomyces is a yeast strain that, when found in beer, imparts a sour, tart, or funky characteristic. While some brewers avoid allowing these wild yeasts to make contact with their beer, others embrace it as a defining flavor profile, such as Belgian lambics and gueuzes. The development of sour beer using brettanomyces can be unpredictable and difficult to control, in fact, letting nature take its course is the goal rather than interfering too much with the wild yeast. Brettanomyces is sometimes colloquially referred to as "brett," i.e. — "Orval is a bretty beer."

4. Session

   A session beer is a highly drinkable beer of moderate alcohol level (generally below 5%) that one can enjoy in multiple successions without becoming overwhelmed by intoxication or flavor. The session beer is well-balanced in malt and hop flavor, allowing you to enjoy several back-to-back. Session beers are perfect for drinking while floating the river, as you can imbibe on several while still relishing the crisp, clean hops blended with the sweet hint of malt. Calling a beer sessionable is not to be mistaken for a beer that you "shotgun," however. The purpose of drinking a series of low-alcohol, well-proportioned beers is to socially engage over good beer without becoming completely inebriated.

5. Hefeweizen

   Pronunciation of this word is key. As basic German dictates, the "w" is pronounced as a "v." Thus, the correct pronunciation is "Heff-eh-vi (as in viable)-sehn." A hefewizen is a wheat beer, with tasting notes of bananas and cloves. The beer is unfiltered, resulting in a clouded appearance. Although a Hefeweizen is typically served with a lemon slice on the edge of the glass, squeezing the lemon into the beer is considered an insult in Germany, where this beer style was born, as it is a way of indicating that you feel the beer is so lacking that it needs the addition of lemon to better it.

6. Head

   The head of a beer is the amount of foaming gathered at the top when poured into a glass. Head retention is how long that head lasts. It is generally favorable for a beer to have long-lasting head, as you can gather a much more concentrated aroma from the beer when the head is still present. However, there are some beer styles that do not embody this characteristic. For example, cask beers do not have a significant head presence because of the absence of carbonation. Other factors, such as the amount of hops and the shape of the glassware that the beer is poured into play a role in head retention as well. As you drink the beer, the foam from the head that sticks to the sides of the glass is aptly named lacing, for the patterns created resembling the delicate tendrils of lace.

It's that time again: time to put away your books, grab your sunblock, and forget about your responsibilities for the glorious week of Spring Break. If you want to party it up in Cabo, Cancun, or Miami during your week off from classes, by all means, go ahead. You and the thousands of other co-eds there will probably have a great time dancing to thumping bass with a drink in each hand. If that's not your scene, though, that doesn't mean you have to stay home during Spring Break. There are hundreds of destinations out there that won't be crowded with drunk, horny college kids and are perfect for visiting in the spring. We've listed eight of the best here; use them as a jumping-off point for your vacation plans.

1. The Grand Canyon

   Road-tripping with friends is a distinctly collegiate opportunity. Once you all get jobs and live in different cities, it'll be too hard to coordinate schedules and spend all that time in the car together without going nuts. Why not use this Spring Break as your chance to take that memorable college road trip and travel through the awe-inspiring landscape around the Grand Canyon, the U.S.'s most famous hole in the ground? You can either drive from your college town to the site, or fly into Vegas, rent a car, and take the Grand Circle Road Trip. The Grand Circle Road Trip takes you up into Utah to see Capitol Reef National Park, Canyonlands National Park, and Monument Valley, then back into Arizona to see the Grand Canyon itself. You can camp along the way, or find a motel each night whenever you get tired of driving.

2. Cape Hatteras, N.C.

   If you can't imagine Spring Break without the beach, choose a beach like this one rather than the kind hosting hoards of naked Girls Gone Wild. This North Carolina beach is relatively quiet and very picturesque, with expansive sand bars and a variety of wildlife, including adorable sea turtles. When you're tired of being lazy on the beach, visit the country's tallest lighthouse, take a canoe or kayak out on the water, or learn how to surf or windsurf. If you go with a group of friends, splitting the cost of a beach house rental can give you an affordable place to stay right by the action and a beautiful view.

3. Guatemala

   Sometimes you just need to get out of the country to make your Spring Break feel like a vacation. But that doesn't mean you have to head to crowded Mexico resorts or shell out the money for a European getaway. Guatemala is a reasonably priced, fascinating destination perfect for the adventurous college student. The weather at this time of year in the Central American country is perfect for donning a bikini at the beach and trekking around cultural landmarks and town marketplaces. Antigua is a popular city for tourists, settled between three volcanoes, making for gorgeous views and the feeling that you're worlds away from home. If you're interested in the Mayan culture, you might want to check out Nebaj, a lesser known town in the Cuchumatanes mountains where the Ixil Mayan people live.

4. Minnesota

   If you're sick of this unusually warm winter, or live in a place that doesn't really get a winter, a Southern destination with high temperatures may not be the ideal vacation for you. Instead, you could head up to Minnesota, which is a winter wonderland this time of year. Near Ely, Minn., you can really experience the outdoors with your own team of sled dogs and might even catch a glimpse of the Northern Lights. Small groups can learn how to mush and take care of the dogs, and either opt for a camping tour or trips with cabin lodging. In Ely, you can also visit the International Wolf Center or North American Bear Center. It's no beach up here, but it's a vacation you'll remember forever.

5. The Black Hills, South Dakota

   You've always seen photos of Mount Rushmore, so why not actually go visit it? Another great chance for a road trip and camping, the Black Hills of South Dakota are often forgotten when thinking of your next trip, but there's plenty to do to occupy your Spring Break week. Besides hiking through the piney mountains and breath-taking spires of the Badlands, you can also explore the second-longest cave in the world or, if you're sick of the nature experience, you can go to one of the six nearby theme parks. There are lots of family-friendly activities around the area, many of which are still fun for the child inside every college kid.

6. Chicago

   Nature not your thing? Try a big-city Spring Break instead. Chicago is a popular destination throughout the year, but it's not your typical Spring Break spot. The weather during your break could be warming up or still cold depending on the year, but there are plenty of activities for either forecast. Whether you're into sports, theater, or museums, you'll find something to fill your week, with every kind of restaurant and bar available to spend your meals and nights. Plus you'll get to take one of those cool photos in the metallic Bean and post it on Facebook to show off your very Chi-Town vacation.

7. Nepal

   If you're up for some big adventure and a foreign culture during your holiday, jump on a plane to the South Asian country of Nepal. Take a rafting or kayaking trip, safari through the jungle, or climb (or maybe just look at) the infamous Mount Everest. Take a risk and go bungee jumping or mountaineering, or just visit the cultural landmarks, including fascinating temples and countless monuments. If you're looking for an especially atypical Spring Break, you can even volunteer in Nepal. Many alternative Spring Break organizations have programs in the country and can help you set up a trip to help local orphans.

8. San Antonio

   While other travelers will be going down to Texas for popular spots like South Padre Island or hipster paradise Austin, there are plenty of cities in the Lone Star State to enjoy without the crowds. San Antonio will please almost anyone. You've got the warm weather, theme parks, sports teams, and the unforgettable history of the Alamo. At night, you can stroll down the River Walk or catch some live music at a nightclub or dance hall. Travel just outside of San Antonio and you can visit Cascade Caverns or tour through Texas wine country. And don't go back home without having some amazing Tex-Mex food.

Although many people are comfortable with ordering cheeseburgers, lattes and steaks the way they want them, when it comes to wine, these people feel that they're out of their element. If you're an inexperienced wine drinker, there are many things you might feel uncomfortable about when you buy a bottle of wine at a fine dining establishment. If the exhaustively large wine list and the price tags on some of the bottles don't scare you into ordering a simple cocktail or iced tea, the thought of dealing with a snobby, judgmental sommelier might. Enjoying a few glasses of wine with your meal is something that everyone should be able to do, and with a little bit of coaching and experience, you too will be able to order wine at your favorite restaurant like a pro.

If you're not exactly sure what bottle of wine you'd like to order with your meal, or you aren't confident enough to make an independent decision yet, the first thing you'll want to do is let go of any stereotypes you might have and trust your waiter and sommelier. While there are unfortunately universally rude people in the restaurant business, any good waiter or sommelier will understand that they are there to help you and facilitate your dining experience. Ask your waiter or the sommelier, if the restaurant has one, which bottles of wine he or she recommends. You might also want to ask if there are any wine flights available or if there are certain wine pairings with specific menus or menu items. Paired wines with menu items are designed, in most cases, to accent and enhance the flavors of one another.

You can help your waiter or your sommelier direct you towards a good bottle of wine by telling them what you might like or not like. If you know you would rather drink a white wine or a red wine, that can help cut down the list of possible wines by half. If you have a bit more experience with wine, you can also tell your waiter or sommelier what kinds of flavors and characteristics you enjoy in a wine. Telling your server that you prefer an earthy, heavy red that has notes of wood and tobacco can give him or her the information needed to point you toward the perfect bottle of wine.

One thing you'll always want to be sure to do is stay within your budget. Before you even sit down at your table, you'll want to have a vague idea of how much you're willing to spend on a bottle of wine. While some people consider it poor form to tell your waiter or sommelier what price range you have in mind directly, you can work around this by pointing to a specific bottle and then asking for further suggestions. A good waiter or sommelier should then suggest a few wines that are of a similar profile and in a similar price range. If a waiter or sommelier is pressuring you to buy a bottle of wine that is out of your price range, stick to your guns and remain committed to your decision.

Although there is a bit of a process to ordering a bottle of wine, you will grow more comfortable with additional practice. When you decide upon a bottle, your waiter or sommelier should repeat your choice back to you to double check if it is the correct one. After a few minutes, they should bring the bottle of wine to your table. They will present the bottle to you with the label facing outward. Read the label. Is it the wine you ordered? Sometimes, restaurants will be out of the vintage that you ordered and will substitute a different year. Although your sommelier or waiter should tell you if any substitution was made, there's no excuse not to check the label. Simply nod and give an affirmative after you are satisfied with the bottle.

Your waiter or sommelier will then uncork the bottle. Depending on the establishment and the rules of service, your waiter or sommelier might place the cork down on your table. If you are an experienced wine drinker, you have the option of checking the cork for traces of drying and cracking, and you have the option of smelling the cork for signs of spoilage. However, this step is completely optional.

Your server will pour a small amount of the wine into your glass. Swish the wine around quickly and take a deep sniff. Your wine is spoiled if you smell vinegar odors or rotten egg odors. If your wine smells okay, take a taste. As long as you feel that the wine is acceptable, give your server permission to continue pouring it by saying something like, "Yes, this is good." In general, you shouldn't send a bottle of wine back simply because you didn't like it. Good restaurants, however, should exchange unsatisfactory bottles of wine for any reason.

Throughout the course of the meal, your waiter should be refilling your glass. However, if you finish drinking a glass, there's no rule against pouring your own wine. Just make sure that you fill your wine glass about a third of the way full. A too-full wine glass won't let enough air reach your wine and won't allow you to swirl your wine to help release its bouquet.

One thing you always want to do when you order a glass of wine or a bottle of wine at a restaurant, however, is to order a wine that you want to drink and will enjoy drinking. Too often, people believe that they must order a white wine if they are eating chicken or fish and a red wine when they are eating red meat. While this suggestion can simplify things and is generally a good idea, there's no reason not to order a red wine with chicken or a white wine with a beef entree.

As Hollywood bad girl Lindsay Lohan gears up to host Saturday Night Live for the fourth time, we can't help but wonder if she'll tank. Although Lohan is far from a comedian, she has had her funny moments on SNL, and, like so many other celebrities, has produced some great sketches to make up for her not-so-great hosting. Check out these seven great SNL sketches with terrible hosts:

1. Charles Barkley and White People Problems

   Charles Barkley has hosted SNL three (yes, three) times, but his last go-round wasn't his most shining moment. The basketball star did have a couple winning sketches, including the "Charles Barkley Postgame Translator App," which decodes the ridiculous things athletes and coaches say, as well as the hilarious Investigation Discovery's "White People Problems," seen below.

2. Channing Tatum on "Secret Word"

   Channing Tatum might be easy on the eyes, but he really blew it as the host of SNL. Tatum brought little comedy to the stage, but he did dance up a storm, obviously. It definitely wasn't one of the best episodes of the year, but Tatum did score quite a few laughs with his appearance on the sketch series, Secret Word, where he plays Astronaut Buster Alright.

3. Christina Aguilera and the Sex and the City Finale

   Christina Aguilera was one of many pop stars to host SNL during the early 2000s, and although her performance was rather forgettable, she did have one great sketch to make up for the other duds. Aguilera joins SNL's leading ladies in their hilarious spoof of the final episode of Sex & The City. She plays the crass character, Samantha, and impersonates her to the tee. Christina steals the show with her ridiculous confession … she's a dude!

4. Geek Sex Line with Paris Hilton

   It was not the least bit surprising that Paris Hilton gave a really weak performance as the host of SNL, but the heiress did have one very funny skit playing the sensual host of a late-night geek sex line. Although Paris has her funny moments, it's the girls, Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Rachel Dratch, who make the sketch priceless with their dirty nerdy talk, like Wiig's hilarious line: What's that baby? You're a Level 5 Chaotic Evil Half-Orc? Oh, that makes me so hot."

    

    

5. Jimmy Fallon comes back to Weekend Update

   Jimmy Fallon's recent return to host SNL proved that even old cast members have their sucky moments. Even after years of being on TV and hosting his own talk show, Fallon still couldn't hold back his smirks and stammering. The comedian had a couple good sketches, including a return to reporting on the infamous sketch, Weekend Update. Fallon and his former castmates, Seth Meyers, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler go head-to-head with a joke-off about a strip club offering free lap dances to people who donate gifts for children. This one is a tearjerker.

6. MacGruber's son, Shia LeBeouf

   Shia LaBeouf was a rather lackluster SNL host, but his appearance on the hilarious sketch, "MacGruber," helped make it even more popular. A mullet-sporting LaBeouf plays MacGruber's gay son, who helps his dad diffuse a bomb by giving him anal lubricant.

7. The Devil Can't Write a Love Song with Garth Brooks

   Garth Brooks may be a Grammy award-winning singer, but he definitely fell flat as an SNL host. His only saving grace was the sketch he did with funnyman Will Ferrell. Brooks plays a struggling musician who sells his soul to the devil, played by Ferrell, who helps him write a song that will make him famous. Ferrell obviously stole the show, but Garth wasn't half bad.

Originally made by hand using chopsticks, fortune cookies have become more than just dessert. From early fortunes that feature biblical sayings or aphorisms from Confucious and Lao Tzu, to witty and absurd sayings, fortune cookies have been customized to include everything from weddings to birthday theme parties. Fortunes now also include "lucky" lottery numbers, jokes, hackneyed advice and fun quirky statements that we like to add "in bed" to at the end. The ones that are cryptic and outrageous are especially a pleasant surprise at the end of a meal. Here, we present you the seven most mystifying fortune cookie sayings of all time.

1. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?

   This saying may initially make you think "what?!" But on second thought, it's a question worth pondering. Let's just hope the turtle always keeps its shell. Poor thing.

2. You are about to be met by a force of nature. May the force be with you.

   Is this an omen followed by some reassurance? Possibly a Star Wars reference too? One thing's for sure, this fortune is mysterious and we can't help but wonder just what the "force of nature" could possibly be.

3. What came first? The chicken or the egg?

   More than an age-long causality dilemma, this metaphor has found its way onto fortune cookies to confuse us. No one can really answer the question, so it seems the metaphor could be related to prioritizing what comes first in our lives (long shot).

4. Your present question marks are going to succeed.

   Any fortune that highlights succeeding in anything makes us feel good, so this one is a mysteriously good-feeling fortune, settling our present worries, whatever they may be.

5. The fog of today conceals the darkness of your future.

   This fortune sounds more like a misfortune: what exactly is the darkness of the future? Perhaps this fortune cookie is foreshadowing something bad to come. Either way, the ominous message makes us a bit weary.

6. Keep your goals away from the trolls.

   There are many "trolls" in life, but generally it can be a label for any kind of sabotage, which should be avoided at all costs. This fortune reminds us to be cautious who we share our goals with, as negative people can tell us a million reasons why we shouldn't pursue our dreams, while positive people will get us excited and motivated to reach our greatest potential.

7. I know your dirty little secret.

   Nothing is more eerie than that feeling our dirtiest secrets are being revealed, even more so when we don't know who knows, or how much they know. This fortune seems more like a warning and borderline evil because it leaves us with so many questions.

On a cursory note, do not proceed with this article unless you are prepared to be completely spoiled as to the plot twists of the following films. That said, the following films have presented us with some of the wildest plot twists in cinematic history. A well-done plot twist is one that reels us in with bait, lulling us into a false sense of understanding, only to forcibly rip the carpet right from under us at the last minute. If you leave the theater feeling dizzy with the details, you're probably in the midst of an epic plot twist.

1. Fight Club

   A man is becoming increasingly jaded with his corporate, lackluster existence until Tyler Durden shows up. Together they form an underground fighting ring, where men can live out their carnal desires of beating up their opponents to a bloody pulp. But, as the club of men begin to live in a sort of bunker together and involve themselves in increasingly delinquent acts, "Jack" decides that Tyler has taken things too far. The twist arrives in a confrontation between the two when Jack realizes that he and Tyler are one and the same and that Tyler is merely a secondary persona he's taken on as a more idealized, masculine form of himself.

2. Shutter Island

   U.S. Marshal Edward "Teddy" Daniels is assigned to investigate the disappearance of a woman from a psychiatric facility on Shutter Island. He and his partner Chuck question the patients, receiving cryptic clues as to what could be happening with the woman. It appears that one of the doctors at the facility is a staunch believer in lobotomizing certain patients, and does so in the adjacent lighthouse. Meanwhile, Teddy suffers from reoccurring dreams of his wife being burned in a fire started by a certain Andrew Laeddis. In the end, we realize that Teddy is Andrew Laeddis, there is no escaped patient, and the entire setup was a test to see if he could embrace his true identity as the man who killed his wife.

3. The Sixth Sense

   Most M. Knight Shyamalan films contain some sort of twist, but it was best executed in The Sixth Sense. A child psychologist reaches out to a troubled child who claims to be in communication with the dead, which is a source of fear and serves to alienate the child. As the psychologist helps him to turn his fear into compassion for these otherworldly beings, we see what seems like his wife growing ever more distant and even pursuing another man. The twist? The psychologist, as played by Bruce Willis, is already dead, and has been since before he started treating the child.

4. The Others

   Sometime after World War II, Grace is living in a home with her two children who are unable to be exposed to sunlight because of a rare condition that they suffer from. Because of this, she lives in a large, Victorian home that must be completely sealed off at all times. She hires three house workers, and shortly thereafter, hauntings begin to occur. At first, the children only hear or see the intruders in the home, but over time, even Grace hears and is tortured by the sound of what she can only imagine to be ghosts in the walls of her home. In truth, Grace and her children are the ghosts, making it very difficult for the new owners of the home to live comfortably. Grace, as it appears, smothered her children and shot herself shortly after the death of her husband in the war.

5. Psycho

   This Alfred Hitchcock classic really shook us in our boots. After embezzling money, Marion attempts to hide out in a hotel run by a seemingly neurotic man named Norman Bates. Marion frequently overhears Bates arguing with his mother, with whom he admits to living with, and the mother is openly hostile about Marion towards Bates. After deliberating on her crime, Marion decides to flush the money down the toilet and shower. While in the shower, she is stabbed repeatedly by an unknown figure, in one of the most famous movie scenes of all time. From there, an investigation occurs. The real kicker with this film involves the mother: she has been dead long enough to become mummified. In fact, Norman Bates has conducted the murders while wearing a wig and donning a shrill, elderly woman's voice. He has developed a split personality to assume his dead mother's form.

6. Saw

   Two men wake up in some sort of enclosure, chained to the walls with a dead man between them, lying in a pool of blood. They are given specific, gory instructions on how they can come out of the situation alive, and none of their options are particularly savory, involving sawing off their own legs to freedom or shooting the other one before an unknown killer eliminates his entire family. From there, stories of this killer, known as "The Jigsaw Killer," ensue. The twist, which is revealed in the final moments of the film, is that the "corpse" lying between them has been alive the whole time, and is, in fact, the killer in question. The immediate reaction you get when you realize this is anger that both men could be so close to walking out alive had they only known what was before them.